


Starlight

by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor)



Series: Sportsfest 2018 [141]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Person, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor/pseuds/Karasuno%20Volleygays
Summary: You look at me, and I see it at last. See the weariness creasing your face where a smile used to dwell, gaze hollow and empty. The idea of not being able to go back and smack my past self until I see the way you needed me rankles. My heart aches and my eyes burn.Taking a deep breath, you give a little wave and say, “Sorry, Tsukki.” You close your eyes and drop backwards into the night.





	Starlight

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [tsukkiyama](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/424805) by hailing. 



> This was written for the Sportsfest 2018 remix round. This story has heavy themes of depression and a suicide attempt. They're already tagged, but if you missed the tags, hopefully you catch them here. If either of these themes are triggering or harmful to your mental health, you may want to choose something else to read.

The stars are overly bright above you, casting cool white shadows on your cheeks. Your freckles are oddly luminous under their influence, and my face warms a little that I notice it at all.

“Hey, Tsukki,” you say in that way you always do, a little insipid but always happy to see me. It's a startling contrast to the rest of you, standing on the railing of the bridge we cross every day going to school.

You don't move one way or another, but I hold my breath anyway. I tell you to come down but you don't, and you give me a look I don't quite understand.

“I'm glad you're here,” you say with a smile incongruous with your precarious perch. I don't understand why you want me here for this; I say as much and you don't seem surprised.

Arms spread wide, you say, “For once, I'll get to fly.”

My fists clench and my palms sweat, and I want to scream at you for being so calm while my entire chest hurts just seeing you up there. I almost say it, that old, “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” But I don't, and I think you might actually be disappointed, like my annoyance is your due.

That thought hurts in ways I can't even describe.

“Tadashi,” I say quietly, the name I never use heavy on my tongue. I don't know what to tell you, how to coax you off that rail and back on the ground where you belong — on the ground next to me.

You sigh and close your eyes, and I hate you for looking so calm when every nerve in my body shrieks in my ears.

Looking up at those stars, you murmur, “They're so peaceful, aren't they? Can you imagine burning that hot and bright for so long.” You lower your gaze and chuckle. “I can't even manage eighteen years.”

“What do they know? Some of them have been dead for years,” I blurt, and I loathe my stupid mouth for saying it. Years of spewing whatever came to mind turns to ashes on my tongue.

Yet you laugh, but the sound is cold and empty. “I know. Nothing lasts forever.”

“Why are you doing this?”

You look at me, and I see it at last. See the weariness creasing your face where a smile used to dwell, gaze hollow and empty. The idea of not being able to go back and smack my past self until I see the way you needed me rankles. My heart aches and my eyes _burn_.

Taking a deep breath, you give a little wave and say, “Sorry, Tsukki.” You close your eyes and drop backwards into the night.

A subhuman sound rips from my lungs, and my feet spring into action of their own accord. I sprint down the riverbank and plunge into the cold water, but I don't feel it biting into my skin like razorblades. All I see is the soggy head of hair rapidly being swallowed by the current.

Swimming isn't a strong point of mine, but I flail my limbs against the water until I catch up with your limp, drifting form. My arm hooks with yours, and with every scrap of strength I can manage and then some, I haul us both back to shore.

You aren't breathing and I have no idea how to save you, but I try anyway. I try and I try and I try until you cough and spit up water. We both shiver, and I clutch your soggy limbs to my chest to share whatever warmth I can muster.

It doesn't take long to realize you’re crying rather than shivering, but so am I.

Soon your body stops quaking, and you look at me like a drowned rat and just ask, “Why?”

I don't know what to say. I don't know you _want_ me to say. Why did I come after you? Why did I decide to start the trek to your house when you sent me that weird text? Why would I —

“Why _wouldn't_ I?” It slips from my mouth, but you gawk at me like I said something a lot more awe inspiring.

“Tsukki,” you choke and then cough until you puke out the river water lingering in your lungs.

My hand finds your clammy cheek, fingers trembling as they trace the curve of your jaw. Our eyes meet and I finally know what I want, what I need to say.

Our lips touch for just a moment, but I see a lifetime of understanding ooze out of you and twist your face before you bury it in my shoulder. I hold you because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

But it doesn't matter, does it? Not when your arms band around my waist and you whisper the darkest secrets of your troubled soul into my waiting skin. You're here and so am I.

I hold you up as we stagger to my house. It'll be quiet there, and no one is home to ask questions you aren't ready to face. We cling to one another in the shower until you feel warm again, and you don't refuse a set of my old sweats or the extra space on my bed.

My arm drapes over your waist, and you let it. My nose buries itself between your shoulder blades, and you allow that, too. I tug you a little tighter, and you relax against me.

I hear you fall asleep, and I know I'm not far behind. I don't know what haunts you to the brink of oblivion, but whatever it is, I hope it gives you a moment’s peace. I hope you'll still be there when I wake up.

So the sun comes up, a warmer and kinder light than the icy starlight that nearly washed you away. And there you are, tired and haggard and here and _alive_.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeahhh, I couldn't let Yams die. I love him too much. Also, if you haven't already, please check out the art that inspired this. Hayley's work is stunning with incredible colors, but the ones for this were probably my favorite.


End file.
